September 10, 2011

Bachmann Brief: Roseanne Was First To The Coming Out Party For Mr. Mary Bachmann


Help This Blogger Find The You-Nigh-Na States!

I am an unabashed fan of Roseanne Barr, and she is throwing a coming out party for Mr. Mary Bachmann. I love that, Iove her tweet, and I love her!

I often turn to my blog to make confessions, and I have a new confession to make. As Representative Bozo Bachmann's (R-MN) star fades, the clown college graduate, re-writer of history, and stupefied Stepford wife, will soon be a footnote in the history of Presidential politics.

I've written quite a bit about Bozo and her husband Mary. I wrote about the turmoil within her staff, weeks before the press reported the story. She's still flying Moby Dick Airways - though she refuses the hot towels offered by Moby Dick flight attendants, because she claims she doesn't like anything wet AND hot on her precious face. Her husband Mary might be able to teach her a thing or two in that regard - don't you think? Because her "stylist" husband Mary is all about skin care - from what I hear.

Bozo likes foot-longs.
I must confess that with Bozo Bachmann's star fading, I am saddened. She has given me so much material, and many other bloggers material, that she will be sorely missed, as her big ass sails into the sunset. She will probably serve out the rest of her term, and then return to the warm embrace of her 25 real and imagined children, her effete husband Mary, and her clown college compatriots.

When Bozo Bachmann returns to her golf course view McMansion in Stillwater, she will leave behind her very strong record in Congress. In her 5 years as a US Representative, she hasn’t managed to author one single bill that has passed both Houses of Congress, and been signed into law by a Republican or Democratic President. This Presidential candidate that says she is fighting for “the people,” and touts her record of accomplishment, has NO record to speak of.

Since Bozo was elected to Congress in 2006, she has authored 3 non-binding resolutions that were passed by a voice vote, in the House. When she talks about her record, she is speaking about House Resolution 789 which she introduced in 2008, honoring child welfare agencies, non-profits, and private entities devoted to foster children. Feeling she was on a roll, House Resolution 923 was introduced and passed a few weeks later, recognizing the state of Minnesota’s 150th Anniversary. While she introduced other measures after that heady success, it wasn’t until July of 2009 that another Bachmann sponsored non-binding Resolution was passed. House Resolution 373 passed by voice vote, which expressed support for designating the month of September as "National Hydrocephalus Awareness Month."

In my view, that is her single best accomplishment of the three Resolutions that Bozo introduced. You might be scratching your head a little, like I did, when I was reviewing the 3 bullet items that comprise her 5 years in Congress. H.Res.373 supports designating the month of September as National Water on the Brain Awareness Month. How fitting is it that someone who suffers from this affliction, introduced a Resolution to bring attention to it. Bozo is proud.

Clown College graduate can't say United.
While Bozo Bachmann keeps criss-crossing the country, bragging about her record, an astute person might want to ask what her REAL record reflects. I would contend that she can’t be President, because the woman still can't say the word "United" as in United States yet. I implore you to listen carefully the next time your hear her recite her memorized Ed Rollins penned stump speech. You will hear her declare that she is running to be President of the You-Nigh-Na States. Does anyone else but me think that's a little queer? And I mean queer as in odd, not queer in a good way.

According to Google, my blog ranks in the top 100 in key word searches related to the wife of Mr. Mary Bachmann. According to Google Analytics, a certain Minnesota Congresswoman's staff like to visit this blog, whenever I write about the high priestess of bondage. In the spirit of good will, I promise to check in with the Bozo Bachmann camp every now and then, and will be happy to write recommendations for the soon to be unemployed Bachmann staffers, as clown college applications are at an all time high, and the admission process is very selective.

In the mean time, I guess it's time to turn my attention to the other towering figure in Presidential politics, Sicko Santorum. Have you googled Santorum lately?

Feel free to share what you find in the comments below!

Disqus