September 12, 2011

Controversy: Don Ameche and the Cast of Cocoon 2 --- At Castro And Market Daily


San Francisco, California: It was late afternoon when I looked up at the clock, and remembered I had to get to the post office before it closed. I was determined to get an overnight package out that day to my niece in New Jersey, before she left for her first semester of college. It was a balmy day, about a week and a half ago, and I could see the fog rolling east as I walked west up Market Street, toward the post office in the Castro.

When I crossed Market to walk toward the corner “parklet,” which is wedged into an incongruous space where 17th Street, Market and Castro all meet, my eyes were assaulted by a sight I generally associate with San Francisco street fairs. An elderly man was standing and chatting just outside Orphan Andy’s, naked as a jaybird, conversing with a man who was fully clothed. This old bird who assaulted my sight and senses, caused me to say aloud,  “shit - there ought to be a law.” It wasn’t a pretty sight, if I must say. I thought how ironic, this elderly man took great care to protect his face from the sun with a huge straw hat, that would look better on Paula Dean, and he did nothing to cover or protect his wrinkly and flabby ass, or the diminutive nugget on full display, that I couldn’t see very well because I knew not to look down.

There was a woman and her two young children, going for their afternoon stroll, and we crossed Castro Street together. I felt ashamed that a member of our tribe thought the Folsom Street Fair had come early, and I became more angry as I thought about it,  because he forced all the men, women and children in the vicinity, to digest his very disagreeable being.

I felt I had to apologize to the good woman who was out for a stroll with her kids. I said “it’s not always like this - and motioned with my head toward Rip Van Wrinkle, and she said in her proper British accent that she would avoid that corner going back in the other direction. I said Portsmouth? She said no - Brighton, and I said Brighton is lovely when it’s warm, we exchanged a quick grin, and I  turned down Collingwood to go to the post office.

Over the last few months, there’s been a controversy brewing in my neighborhood. Almost every day there’s a small gaggle of gay naked guys, gathering at the intersection of Castro and Market, to shock tourists, piss off merchants, make a political statement, exercise their free speech rights, and confuse and alienate kids, while the long time residents of the gayborhood primarily walk past, and like me, just roll our eyes.

Supervisor Scott (no relation to Anthony) Wiener is proposing an ordinance requiring the gaggle of naked gays, to place a cloth, a sanitary device, dental dam, or a towel, between their bare bums and the park bench, chair, or other seating available, for sanitary reasons. I think that a low dose of valium, or prozac, should be included as well. (For me - not for them!) The gaggle of naked guys will not be confused with the men of Hot House, or Raging Stallion, who are often seen in the area from time to time. We aren’t that lucky on these balmy days here in the Castro.

So until the gaggle of gay naked guys piss the right person off, and they are banished to the hinterlands, if you want to see Don Ameche and the ancient cast of Cocoon 2 in all their naked glory, they are playing daily at Castro and Market - anytime between 1:00pm and 4:00pm. Just be sure to bring that sanitary cloth. You wouldn’t want to get a ticket - would you?

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