Legal Troubles: Senator Larry "Wide Stance" "I'm Not Gay" Craig and Senator Mike "Teetotaler" Crapo besmirch the good people of Idaho with their indiscretions.
I guess Christmas Eve was a slow news day, because the drunk driving arrest of US Senator Mike “the teetotaler” Crapo (kray*poe) (R-ID) was the big news of the day. Crapo is the Senior Senator from Idaho, and a very conservative Republican and Mormon at that. He won’t just have the court to answer to, I’m sure he was paid a visit from his Bishop this week, as the LDS church has little tolerance for people that use or abuse alcohol.
It got me to thinking about the last Senior Senator from Idaho who was arrested, the equally conservative Republican US Senator...... Larry “wide guy” “I’m not gay” Craig. Craig told his police interrogator that when he sat undressed on the diminutive toilet in the handicap stall at the Minneapolis airport, that he had a “wide stance.” If his elderly foot and leg happened to encroach under the wall and into the stall of his neighbor, he assured the policeman that he wasn’t making a sexual overture, he was merely a “wide guy” with a “wide stance” using the bathroom.
When Larry Craig left the US Senate, he was appointed to the Board of Directors of the National Rifle Association. He is still currently a board member, along with his pal Grover Norquist.
The Federal Election Commission is suing Senator Larry “I’m not gay’ Craig, or Senator “wide stance” as he is known in some circles, because he is alleged to have misappropriated campaign funds to pay for his legal defense in the Minneapolis Airport Tearoom sex-sting operation. Senator “wide stance” says that using the toilet is part of “official Senate business.” According to the Associated Press:
Senator “wide stance” Craig, is being sued by the Federal Elections Commission (FEC) for allegedly misusing more than $200,000 in campaign funds to pay legal bills in the Minneapolis Airport Tearoom scandal. He justified using campaign funds by claiming that using the toilet and employing a “wide stance” was official Senate business.Mind you, Senator “wide stance” Craig entered a guilty plea. A guilty plea, where there was no trial, costs upwards of $200,000 dollars! And “wide-stance” says that even though he entered a guilty plea, he is not guilty. Just like I’m the sugar plum fairy.
Senator “wide stance” Craig purports that travel between Idaho and Washington, D.C. is official business of the Senate, and he cites a Senate rule which include all charges for meals, lodging, cleaning, french laundry, shoe shines -- and airport tearooms -- as reimbursable expenses. “The trip was constitutionally required, but Senate rules sanction reimbursement for any cost relating to a senator's use of a bathroom while on official travel" wrote Craig’s lawyer in documents filed with the court on on August 2, 2012.It must be tough representing the great state of Idaho in the US Senate. The current Senior Senator, and the former Senior Senator, will have their day in court. I suspect that the people of Idaho, are thinking that they should cast a “wide net” when looking for a good candidate for US Senate the next time they have that opportunity.
A “wide stance” and a “liquored up” teetotaler hasn’t served the people very well.
© 2012 JIVEINTHE415.COM