Senator Joni Ernst, Republican of Iowa, Wants Your Pussy! | Jive in the [415] Blog | Gay LGBT News Political Commentary

July 28, 2021

Senator Joni Ernst, Republican of Iowa, Wants Your Pussy!

A portrait of Senator Joni Ernst (R-IA) and the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C.
Senator Joni Ernst (R-IA) wants your pussy and no one is talking about it!

It's unfathomable to me that men and women will vote for a political party that is ANTI-WOMEN. Why do they do it? This is a transcription of a real conversation I had with a friend about the Republican Party's continuing War On Women.


ROY: Dustin, If I told you there’s a bill in Congress introduced to protect federal funding for women’s healthcare, called the “Protect Funding for Women’s Health Care Act”, would you believe me?

This blog post is a transcript of a conversation between myself and a friend of mine (Dustin) that took place on July 25, 2021. 


DUSTIN: You're smart and know what's going on. Yes, I believe you.

ROY: You know that I love and adore women, and while I was researching legislation I stumbled on this bill. It’s called the “Protect Funding for Women’s Health Care Act” introduced by Senator Joni Ernst Republican from Iowa. If that bill doesn’t protect funding for women’s healthcare I don’t know what would!

DUSTIN: Let’s give Joni a Woohoo Wahoo and a Yay! Where are my cheer pom-poms and saddle shoes when I need them? I wanna give them a few shakes and a tug too. They sure do raise smart cookies in Iowa! 

ROY: Fer Sher Dusty!

DUSTIN: We LOVE Joni from Iowa. Okayyy! She looks like my middle school art teacher. Is she from Marin County?

ROY: No Iowa. We’re loving Iowa Joni!

DUSTIN: Joni cares about women and sisterhood! My kinda gal.

ROY: Hold on a sec. She wants to “Protect Funding for Women’s Healthcare” in her Senate bill (S. 1144), and as I read the text of her proposed law, it says the legislation would actually PROHIBIT ALL FUNDING FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD. What the fuck!

DUSTIN: Gurrl! Wait...What? Did I hear that right?

ROY: You heard me right. The summary of her Senate Bill 1144 was written by the Congressional Research Service, which is a nonpartisan division of the Library of Congress, and was published on Apr 15, 2021.
Protect Funding for Women's Health Care Act

This bill prohibits federal funding of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, and or its affiliates, subsidiaries, successors, or clinics.
An "I want you" poster of Sen Joni Ernst (R-IA) pointing at women, and the text "I Want Your pussies" on the poster.
Senator Joni Ernst (R-IA) wants to own all the pussies in America.


ROY:
Yass queen! Joni Ernst wants to eliminate any funding of women’s healthcare providers unless they’re faith-based. She’d rather you hear a lecture from Sister Thomas Aquinas or Sister Peter Robert Philomena about living a chaste life and only having sex when you want to make a baby. 

DUSTIN:  So you’re telling me that Joni is against reputable science-based medical care, and is playing games with people's lives? Do politicians really do that?

ROY: Yup. Sexual pleasure and orgasms are OUT and excruciating pain and going into labor and being ripped to shreds during childbirth is IN! 

DUSTIN: Yum! Actually, I like the sound of that. Where do I sign up? I'm ovulating now Roy!

ROY: Dustin! Stop it! My blog is rated P.G. Well most of the time it is. This is serious. Women aren't allowed to plan on raising a child, women can't make choices for themselves, and anyone that relies on Planned Parenthood for healthcare could lose it if Joni has her way.

DUSTIN: Gurrl! I wanna volunteer for getting pregnant and childbirth. Ouch! It feels so good Papi.

ROY: Like the Catholic Nuns and 72% of her Republican colleagues in the Senate, Joni Ernst believes that the federal government can be a ladies ‘area manager’ (down there). [Roy is pointing at Dustin’s crotch] They’ll never give up on trying to regulate a women’s vagina. Especially yours.

She’s carrying on the G.O.P .tradition that began in the Reagan era. it’s nice to know that we can count on that party to continue their assault and war on women, on women’s bodies, and women’s healthcare for as long as they maintain significant numbers in Congress!

DUSTIN: Roy! Stop. I have beautiful private parts that are very photogenic. The Nuns will love it. Where do I sign up for this? Should I call Joni? Text her? DM? Find her on snap? If she wants a pussy I’ll offer her mine. Because it sounds like she wants to own all the pussies in this country. She wants to have a say in what every woman does. That's sick.

ROY: Dusty THANK YOU. You're right! Your art teacher wants to own all the pussies. Too many lawmakers in the Republican party think like Joni! Because they think like her, they’ve introduced bills in both chambers to “prohibit family planning grants from being awarded to family planning organizations” that MIGHT perform abortions, another bill eliminates and prohibits tax deductions for any health insurance premium that provides birth control and family planning services, while a Southern Congressman wanted January 22, 2021, to be designated as “National Sanctity of Life Day”.

DUSTIN: I’ll give that southern Congressman life! I’m single and ready to mingle and bet he has a big wallet!

ROY: I’m pissed Dustin. No one is talking about this. The midterms are next year, and it's unfathomable to me that men and women will vote for a political party that is ANTI-WOMEN. The Republicans are against women and want to eliminate their rights. They want to block access to healthcare. They want to tell women what to do with their reproductive organs. It’s NOT right.

While none of this is new, we need to add this to the list of reasons to vote against Republicans. If we don’t start now, no one will hear us.

DUSTIN: Gimme Joni’s number! I wanna tell her off and then try having a baby or die trying! It's a queer world!


ROY: Calm down Louise. Straight talk. This is serious! Please remember what I told you - straight talk indeed. 


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